you know how people had childhood dreams to be an astronaut, a princess, a magician, a doctor, a police officer, the list goes on and on…..
mine was to be a scientist, in the category better known as astronomy. ever since i started my passion for watching the moon, but it kept getting smaller and smaller and i didn’t like it, so i set out on my journey to become an astronomer, but i was a kid so the only thing i really did was draw pictures of the moon and the galaxy. till one day in grade 7 i actually tried to study astronomy and then learned that if i actually wanted the moon bigger, a bunch of things would be affected, like one was waves would get so much larger, as you could see if you witnessed the supermoon, in which case i did not.. sadly, you’d think though!!
anyways, i think having a childhood dream job is great for growing up because it gives yourself character. i know things about the moon and the galaxy, etc that if someone asked me what i wanted to be a while back i could tell them things about astronomy. a small part of me still wants to study astronomy. ;)
sometimes i lean against a wall and watch the city go by and wonder where they’re going, how their day was and what they’re feeling. if you ever have the time to do this, unlike me who has all the time in the world, you should just lean against a wall, or maybe sit on a bus stop bench. nobody will judge you for not getting on the bug or sitting there, or maybe you could do this while waiting for a bus, but either way of doing this, just rest yourself on or against something and watch people go by. you’ll find that it seems like people are walking just to fill up the sidewalk space, but truthfully you know that everyone has a place to go. a destination to go to. it’s inspiring if you are starting to lose your love for people or something of the kind. people are wonderful.
love is a weird thing and i say this from personal experience. and by love i mean love, not necessarily being loved back or not being in love, it could go either way really but for me it is being in love but not being loved back. i bet a lot of people can relate to this as which most people refer to as ‘crushes’. it’s cute but sometimes insanely frustrating.
love is when you feel intense feelings for someone. it’s not always positive, sometimes people get so negative with their thoughts because their crush likes someone else, or maybe they’ve been feeling love for this person for way too long and they’re so tired of keeping it in but they just can’t because they’re humans and afraid of rejection.
i think love is amazing. it really is, and i think that people who are in love should keep doing what they’re doing. i’m not going to say ‘hey, you there who’s in love. go tell them you fancy them, now!” because not everybodys ready and you’ll find that you’ll have a crush and never tell them, ever. which is me.
i had a crush for 2 years and never said one thing. we hung out once and i don’t think i ever acually liked him. i’m not saying this because i regret liking him but more because i was a kid and i was naive (which is why i think little children dating is a bit foolish, but hey! if its working for ya, keep doing what you’re doing!) but with him, i liked the idea of him but not him. i have troubles with that. i like somebody because i think the idea of them is lovely and i usually end up hating myself for it, not necessarily regretting it because very ‘mistake’ is a learning experience.
sometimes i think back and think about when i didn’t want to graduate. writing this now, i still think it’s weird. going through the whole prom process, the whole year-booking and talking about ways to keep in contact but never talking again till the high-school reunion, that’s probably how it’ll be. right now, i cant tell if i’m going to be the one who’s avoiding the calls or the one who’s being left on the other line hanging, but i just hope wherever i am, i’m doing okay.
i always believed in the whole ”wherever you end up, that’s where you end up.” kind of thing, but maybe in future years i’ll think back to myself, ”wow, that was dorky and corny.” but maybe i don’t. maybe i haven’t changed at all in about 3-4 years time and i’m still debating where to live, still thinking out my life or not at all and just going with the flow.
i love people. i love the way they think, they way they interpret things, i love the way they love, i love the way their tears fall down their cheeks, i love the smile on their face, i love everything about people. they are just so lovely and i don’t know why anyone would think different.
not everything in life makes sense, i’ll tell you this now. but this is only temporary, like see, a year ago you must’ve thought ‘i wonder why _____ ___ ____…’ and now i bet you can answer it. of course thats if you still remember it, but you will if it really matters. but if it doesn’t, don’t stress because a year from now you won’t even remember it.
everything happens for a reason, but that’s not always the reason why something good or bad happened. the big event isn’t always the thing that caused the chain of reaction leading up to the bigger event, but more down the line. your choices reflect on your future. who knows, your choices now could cause something to happen because maybe the event that happened for a reason already happened.
sometimes i wonder if everyone were in space and could breathe up there, would things be like it is now or would it be peaceful, at last? there would be nothing to disturb the peace but other people, but is that whats destroying us? so many people blame it on the items in society but its the people who are the do’ers in this life.
and then, nobody would depend on anything for life but other people, like it used to be. no more ‘my life depends on music’ or ‘my life depends on looking good’ etc, it would be ‘my life depends on the feelings of other people and i.’ and everything would be peaceful and fine. not that it’s realistic, its just something that will make you think.
my life is indescribable, and i know that is normal but sometimes i feel like it isn’t. life is just one big ball of everything weird. life is weird.
i can’t wait for the day when someone says ‘you should be proud of yourself’ and actually feel it.